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Outback Jack

Episode 6: Sexing the crocs


When super-bitch Marissa returns to the game with "Did you guys miss me?", she receives nothing but silence. Jack, on the other hand, is happy to see her and within a few hours the duo are stealing illicit kisses.

The group drops in on one of Jack's old friends -- crocodile farmer John. When John opens up a pen of baby crocs, the girls freak out. Although babies, the crocs are still the size of a dog, and John wants help sorting the male from the females.

John explains the "sexing" process, which involves sticking fingers inside the crocs and feeling around for the sex organs. Maria and Meri-De follow through with their end of the bargain, sticking their digits where no human fingers were meant to go. "Most guys would probably buy me a dinner first or take me out before playing with their willies," Meri-De laughs.

When it's Marissa's turn to "sex" her croc, she doesn't find anything of note. "It's a girl, baby!" she states confidently. Sadly, she's mistaken. Jack easily contradicts her upon his own examination. "I'm really surprised that Marissa couldn't find that willie when she needed to," Maria opines, "because she should be an expert."

The rest of the evening is slightly less exciting. The ladies happily settle down to an all-American meal of hot dogs and burgers but Marissa thinks the girls are too boring, and tries to spice things up with a food fight.

Jack isn't amused by Marissa's food flinging so she lowers the bar in an effort to get some attention, putting her grubby feet on the table while everyone's eating. When the girls bristle at the offense, Marissa turns her abuse on them directly. "Are you getting pissed?" she asks Maria. "Go away, be gone." Even Jack is reaching his limit by this time. "I really like Marissa," he confesses, "but she is seriously testing my patience."

The next morning, the girls wake to find they have more to worry about than just Marissa's attitude. Jack has "gone ahead," leaving them to fend for themselves. Host JD tells the girls to pair up and race to find him, following Outback-styled clues to his hideaway.

Marissa and Meri-De's combined athleticism soon puts them in the lead. Meanwhile, Maria drags a confused and  unhappy Natalie behind her, but they fall further and further behind. Things look hopeless... until Marissa's bossy leadership gets her and Meri-De lost. The pair wanders aimlessly through the Outback while Maria and Natalie catch up. Soon, however, Meri-De takes over the navigational chores, leading her team to Jack's hideaway: the Swinging Arm Bar.

Maria and Natalie must stay in the pub while the other two girls change clothes and hop on a helicopter for dinner. (Apparently, the consolation prize for the challenge is a drink with some Outback roughnecks.) Marissa and Meri-De share Jack for the duration of the helicopter ride, and also take in some amazing views of the Outback.

When the helicoptor lands, however, the girls find that the dinner table is only set for two. Both are confident of being chosen but it turns out that only Marissa is right and Meri-De is sent back to the pub. Maria and Natalie are shocked to learn that Jack and Marissa are alone together. "If he ends up with fricking Marissa," Maria scowls, "I'm going to come back and kick his ass."

Soon, Jack and Marissa return to camp to find that the others are still at the pub. They take advantage of the quiet time, rolling on a blanket and smooching passionately before being interrupted by the other three returning. The girls are a little bubbly but they notice that Jack looks uncomfortable. Maria and Natalie think that he must have had a bad date with Marissa. But Meri-De hits the nail on the head: "Maybe we interrupted something," she suggests.

The next morning it's time for an another elimination. After listening to each lady plead her case, Jack decides to eliminate the strong and sexy Meri-De, who is surprisingly upset. Then Maria, Natalie, Marissa, and Jack climb onto their horses to head to the next camp.


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