With Penny Ashton
So, that time has rolled around again, it's Gossip Wench Wednesday and I am kicking off a brand new blog on all the shenanigans I intrepidly report on for all you saucy Good Morning-philes.
This week we can look no further than Kate Middleton's moment in the erm... sun. You'd have to be living under a corgi hutch to not have heard that The Duchess of Shamebridge was snapped sunning her vol-au-vents in a French Chateaux recently. Many, including that bastion of good taste Donald Trump, have weighed in on the topic, declaring her foolish to get her princesses out in public.
However, One thinks it must be safe to assume when One is nearly one kilometre away from One's access road that One may assume no nasty little papa-nasty with a camera can see you.
Gallant Prince Willie is very concerned to see Her Royal Pertness treated in a similar fashion to his mother and so the Palace have filed a birthday suit lawsuit against the sordid mag Closer. Sadly an Irish paper, aggrieved by hundreds of years of English assets, have also published them and an Italian magazine owned by that other bastion of good taste, Pervio Berlusconi, will follow (birthday) suit.
I just think it's sad Kate didn't turn sideways. Then no one
would have been able to spot her at all.
Millions of Twihards the world over are
seething at the news that Trampire and her Prince Twarming have
reconciled and are back together which means he will never be
theirs. Yup "apparently" K-Stew and R-Pattz have thrown off the
silver shackles of infidelity and are shimmering gloriously in the
sun once more. Seems that Rob has realised that everyone makes
mistakes, (just look at his hair) and has taken the contrite
actress back into his cold undead bosom. Awwwww.
In startling revelations Roger Moore has ... erm revealed that he has bedded far more women that James Bond ever has. Considering James Bond is a figment of someone's imagination this isn't all that surprising. I can claim the same in fact.
Pedantic quibbles aside Moore certainly was a prime side of British gristle in his day but when I see his current pics this story makes me a little queasy. I like my sex symbols without Zimmer frames and a possible threat of cardiac arrest. Watching Sean Connery cheer on Andy Murray made me worry for his prostate ... and that's just not sexy.
But back to Roger, which is what he did, a lot. More Roger
Moore... More Roger MORE, Roger me Moore...
This next story makes me very nearly lose the will to live but I like picnic bars and floral frocks so will live to fight another day. But should I lose that will again all I have to do is jump into the passenger seat of either Amanda Bynes or Lindsay Lohan's car and my dilemma will be sorted. Both these female Charlie Sheen wannabes are constantly in trouble with the Police due to their love of smashing into other cars, often while smashed, or just being silly little Prima Donna wastes of botoxed human skin. I can hardly bring myself to comment on them further but apparently they are feuding over who is worse.
So I will solve it.
They both suck and both risk other people's lives with their
dangerous driving and reckless stupidity. That was a bit serious...
My shock look of the week is recidivist offender Lady Gaga . Though to be fair when a woman is a walking work of art, offender is the wrong word. She beats her own drum Ms Germanotta (whatever Madonna whinges) and we all like to see what happens next.
This week she opened milliner Philip Treacy's London Fashion
Week show. Treacy is known for having a weirdly spelled name and
for creating such legendary hats as Princess Beatrice's IUD crossed
with a startled moose fascinator from the Royal Wedding. Here Gaga
is sporting a floral wreath which would make it difficult to poke
her face& Just saying.
(Broadcast 19 September)
Penny Aston's views in the blog above are her own and are not the views of Good Morning or TVNZ.