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The package of marijuana posted to Tim Wilson. - Source: ONE News -
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Some of you may remember how I was recently sent about six grand worth of extremely debilitating pot by courier . Unsurprisingly, perhaps, the NYPD has been a little slow in solving this crime.
In fact the cynic in me wonders where the giant bale of dope I deposited with the 23rd Precinct is now, or whether it has been lost in some back room, filed under, 'Best Christmas Party Eva!'
But where the Five-oh falls down, Television New Zealand's US Correspondent stands up (as best he can). I'm happy to inform you I've solved the mystery.
The other day I received an email that I had a parcel waiting for me at the mailbox place where my packages get sent. There are lots of these holes-in-the-wall stores all over the city, and they're used by people like myself who don't have a doorman to accept packages from Fedex and the like.
After greeting the guys who work there, I retrieved the slip from my box, handed it over, and waited to be handed my package.
Much unproductive ferreting around ensued. After several minutes they emerged from the parcel room and said, 'We don't have it, maybe it was for that guy whose name is a lot like yours."
Oh, what might that be?
"Taser Wilson."
"Really?" I said.
Okay, it's not really Taser Wilson, but it's as preposterous as Taser Wilson. Having hunkered down with the team at Sue, Grabbitt and Runne, TVNZ's legal counsel, we've determined I'm not permitted to use the guy's real John Hancock. But trust me. It's like Taser Wilson, only better.
I asked them what Taser's box number was. They told me the same one that the wacky baccy had been addressed to. Oh, T. Wilson. Now I get it. I'd been given Taser's dak.
Then I had to know. "What's this guy like?"
They looked me up and down and said, "Nothing like you."
Neurosis and envy being what they are, I quickly formed an image
of Taser Wilson. Here are my conclusions:
Taser Wilson drives an Aston Martin.
Taser Wilson gets shipped top quality hooch and keeps it. He
doesn't give it to the cops, crying like some little boy who had
his lunch money stolen.
Taser Wilson once had a date with Rihanna, but didn't call her
back.
Taser Wilson sleeps beside an Ak-47.
Taser Wilson just wrote a series of novels under the nom de plume
Stieg Larssen.
Taser Wilson has an hour long show on CNN. It rates its ass
off.
The guys at the Mailbox store told me Taser only comes in just as the joint is about to close. That's the time I intend to NOT visit the place. I know how these things go. If Taser meets Tim, it's bye-bye Tim.
Read more Tim Wilson opinion
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