-
Source: Thinkstock
With regards to bludgers, I have just evolved a rule: You don't get to make the rules.
So it was when I was hit up this morning outside my local Associated Supermarket by a fast-talking rogue who had an elderly woman with him. He called her his grandmother. A less charitable person might say she was a prop.
"I'm tryin' a buy milk for my grandmother," he said, gesturing in the direction of said dowager.
So far, so ingratiating. With an opening sally that included milk, an old lady, and a grandson's duty, the panhandler had managed to make his hustle seem honourable.
He showed me a pitiful clutch of coins, and a creased dollar bill that appeared to have been extracted from Abe Lincoln's hat band.
"We need three dollars," he said (he pronounced these as "dallas").
How cheering. I'd just picked up a pint of the stuff myself, and knew that milk might be obtained for the amount he was showing me.
At this point my neighbour sailed by, smiling with amusement, and raising her eye brow at the gentleman with whom I was - now - locked into this transaction. Susan knows the area inside and out, and she knows all the tricks that rogues play.
Encouraged by that raised eyebrow, I pointed out that my new friend had enough for milk.
"No!" he insisted. "We usa latta milk, makin' oatmeal and stuff..."
"Everyone's got a scam," said Susan, as I joined her at the pedestrian crossing.
That lesson was reinforced an hour later as I was heading for the subway. A black teenager offered some bottled water that he'd bought for 25 cents, but would provide to me for one dollar.
I said I was fine.
"Come on," he replied, "support me." When it was clear I wouldn't, he called me an $%@hole.
Call that the white man's burden. You could say it's from the history of slavery, or because of welfare dependency, or even gangsta rap. In fact, it's just a tax for standing out. If you're in a particular area, with a certain coloured skin, and dressed a certain way, you're breaking the agreed-on rules of the neighbourhood, and a penalty is incurred. Well, kind of. In fact I've sometimes had well-dressed blacks hit me up, simply out of sport.
Fair enough. If white guilt is there, use it.
In the same sporting spirit, I'll offer the following advice to the assorted panhandlers of my area. With the US economy clearly tanking, you guys have to raise your game. Learn a dance move. Excise a limb. If you really want my attention, buy a gun.
Don't expect to be rewarded for the same schtick. I'm only saying this as a favour to you. With unemployment at almost 10% as per the statistics, and unreported unemployment running at around 17%, your particular industry will become increasingly competitive. The old rules no longer apply.
Read more of Tim Wilson's articles.
World News Video
-
Dangerous rush to Everest summit (1:59)
-
Dozens killed in Syrian massacre (2:09)
-
'King of Romance' competes in Eurovision (1:46)
