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Richard (L) and Mayumi Heene attend Larimer County district court in Fort Collins, Colorado - Source: Reuters -
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If American lockups are anything like American post offices, gas stations and taxis, then it's likely that Richard Heene will not only be able to watch television in chokey, he may even appear on Jail TV.
You may remember Mr Heene's (pron: Heenie, as in "heinous") hoax to get his family a reality TV gig. Take a little boy, hide him; send up a giant homemade silver flying saucer to create the false impression that he's been borne aloft. Call the local telly station. Whoops! Call the cops. Wait for the offers to roll in.
Sadly for Mr Heene, the best offer came from Colorado's Larimer County Detention Centre . Thirty days of porridge, if such a thing is possible in an American jail.
But everything is possible in America; when I say possible, I mean televised.
Climb into a cab in New York City, and you will be greeted by a screen in the rear of the driver's seat. If you fail to press the "kill" button (my term, but sometimes the goddamn thing doesn't work) a grinning primate sitting in a studio and not wearing a tie will appraise you of some out-of-date news. Then a different primate, likely a comely female, will come on telling you about a fine place to eat, or a nice apartment to buy.
On Monday I called cable news a giant bordello; compared to Taxi TV, cable news is Oxford University. Those defenders of the public good who fervently believe that the local free-to-air product amounts to little more than bread and circuses would be appalled, and gratified.
Every time I get in a cab in NYC, I think glumly, "This is the future." It's portable, starts without your say-so, and it's dumber than a bag of hammers.
So Taxi TV is the end of civilisation as we know it. The other day I was filling a rental car with petrol. Above the bowser was a television screen. Yes, Gas Station TV.
Okay, let me revise the formula. Gas Station TV makes Taxi TV look like the Sorbonne.
Richard Heene wanted to be on the goggle box. He is not alone in this.
Pop artist Andy Warhol, the man more responsible for destroying art, and reducing its moral content to mist than any other in the past half century (including Hermann Goering), predicted, "In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes." He was wrong, but only about the time duration.
The future is here, and everyone is on TV for 30 seconds.
The outlets grow ever more ubiquitous. In the latest survey I could locate the average US home received 118 channels. The average US TV home had 2.5 people and 2.8 TV sets. Forget that you can't have .5 of a person, and .8 of a telly, and you get the point - more televisions than people. Factor in the internet and handheld devices, and we are living in a jungle of flickering images.
As the number of channels increases, the power of inhabiting the small screen will diminish. Desperation will set in. The stunts will be more dangerous. They will be more elaborate. Crimes will be performed on pay-per-view.
Richard Heene went to the big house today because he failed his audition; others wait to take his place.
Read more Tim Wilson blogs.
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