Martin Devlin: Sharapova's shriek doesn't come close

opinion

By Martin Devlin

Published: 8:07AM Tuesday January 31, 2012 Source: ONE Sport

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Your esteemed (I've always wanted to use that word in scripture) correspondent Chris Matthews has asked the question:

"Is Sharapova the most annoying noise in sport"?

NO.

Let's make that absolutely clear, Matthews. In fact she doesn't even come close. Just off the top of mine, and please feel free to add as many of your own to the list, here's a whole heap of noise way more annoying...

-Netball's incessant whistle. (Shrill...penalty...shrill...penalty...shrill)

-"Ozzie ozzie ozzie, oi oi oi" (6 belch-like snorts providing positive proof of small brain via seriously limited vocab)

-Lleyton Hewitt's "Cccccoooooooommmmmmeeeeee Ooooooonnnnnnnnnnnn" (20 years later it's only got even more painful).

-Those thunderstick bang-bang clack-clack things at the netball.

-Vuvuzela's (Thundersticks that sound like car horns).

-"Ccccccccaaaaaannnnnn aaaaahhhhh bbbbrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" (A single belch-like snort providing positive proof that the red neck'n'blacks fans have both small brains and vocabs even more limited than their oi-oi-oi Oz cuzzies).

-"Mooloo ole Ole Ole" (As above but substitute "the Tron" for "red'n'black").

-Cowbells. The ding these dongs do before the "Ole Mooloo" munt...

-"Get in the hole". The global golf equivalent of the "Ozzie ozzie ozzie".

-The Dave Dobbyn song "Loyal", but ONLY when associated with that goose disguised as a boat that Team NZ embarrassed us with when Russ & Brad pulled our spinnakers down and spanked our bowsprits in the America's Cup. (How to destroy a really cool song you plonkers).

-"Swing low sweet chariot". (The English rugby anthem sung just as they're about to do a spot of team-bond-dwarf-toss").

-And finally, quite possibly, thee most annoying noise in sport right now is THAT ONE! Yes, if you stop what you're doing and listen really really closely...hear that noise?

That's the sound of silence. (AKA the noise made by every single person who seriously thinks the Hurricanes have a chance of winning this year's Super15).

What do you think is the most annoying noise in sport? Comment below.

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