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Martin Devlin: If you remember it, you weren't really there


By Martin Devlin

Published: 7:52AM Friday February 01, 2013 Source: ONE Sport

A list of things bound to happen at the Wellington IRB Sevens ...

- Despite many public warnings against such action, someone will attempt to enter the arena wearing the "Borat" tog thing.

- In keeping with one of the tournament's finest traditions, someone else WILL enter the arena resplendent as Colonel Sanders.

- Despite every pleading/urging announcement made with regard to keeping one's alcohol consumption under control, several dozen people will ignore that advice and intoxicate themselves to such a state, they require on-site medical assistance.

You can keep up with all the action on and off the field at the Wellington Sevens with live streaming and live updates from 12:30pm.

- At least one of these people will reach said state before darkness falls on the very first day.

- There will be evidence of instant love - instant newly-found love - having happened at the stadium during the tournament.

- Such love may be fleeting in every sense, however, its sincerity at the time it's pledged cannot or will not normally be denied.

- There will be those who, despite having spent a fortune to attend, will never quite make it to watch any of the on-field activities.

- There will be those who, as above, never even make it to the stadium.

- Sky Sports presenters will again steal the (broadcasting) show by dressing up and joining in the true spirit of the event.

- Many of those outfits, regrettably, will be outlandishly tight.

- The doyen of NZ rugby commentaries - Keith Quinn - will again be heard. Hurrah!

- Wellington will turn on an absolutely scorching weekend weather-wise.

- As it always does.

- Which also, sadly, signals the official end of whatever the capital likes to call "summer".

- People will actually have fun at rugby!

- For many, this will be a new and quite foreign concept.

- As will be watching the game played during daylight.

- Many will try - and all will fail - to convince the super-vigilant security that they've "mistakenly left their corporate suite ticket in the box and if only they were allowed to pass, they'd retrieve it and be straight back".

- The price of food/drink onsite will be the cause of much complaint.

- And rightfully so.

- The sights and sounds of the concourse will get exponentially more feral as each day slides into night.

- The TV cameras will find plenty of willing cleavage to focus in on again and again.

- As well as girls kissing each other while boys look on admiringly.

- Australia will be roundly booed each and every time they take the field.

- Even to warm up.

- As will England.

- The fact that "sevens will be an Olympic sport in 2016 and thus this tournament has far greater implications than ever before" is a statement you will hear broadcast approx twice per hour from now until it ends.

- Courtenay Place will GO OFF.

- Whatever that means.

- I personally will feel old enough to be almost everyone's uncle.

- That's because I am and because that's what I look like.

- And dress like.

- All involved will agree it was one heck of a good time and resolve to meet again same time/place next year, and attempt to re-create what they did this year by re-living what they did last year, when remembering what they can from the previous five.

- Zac won't be there.

- Neither will Richie.