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Sport in a teacup: The week that was (September 3 - 9)

opinion

By Dave Agnew

Published: 2:52PM Monday September 10, 2012 Source: ONE Sport

Short memory? Take a look back at the week that was with Sport in a Teacup.

Monday 3 September

Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo issued a statement to start the week aimed at the many five and six year old's in his vast fan club.

Questioned by miffed reporters after Ronaldo scored a brace in a 3-0 win why he didn't celebrate, Ronaldo explained innocently, "I don't celebrate goals when I am feeling sad and that's the case today."

The heartstrings were pulled further for the Portuguese hero as team mate Alvaro Arbeloa opened up saying, Maybe he needs more affection from everyone, I don't know, but if that is it, he will receive it from us."

Sounds to me like Cristiano needs a visit from the Phoenix.

Tuesday 4 September

Usually the domain of catty fashion models, the drama surrounding 'Blade Runner' Oscar Pistorius' complaints his rival Brazil's Alan Oliveira limbs were too long is far from over.

Thanks to Scottish Professor, Andy Miah the water is even murkier than it ever was before with Miah explaining, "If Oliveira's prosthetic legs are bigger and better and legal, then Pistorius really ought to get some. If his body height precludes this and the only reason why Oliveira has longer blades is that he is taller, then Pistorius has been beaten by a more biologically privileged athlete."

For the fear of sounding a bit basic and too logical, it dawned on me that Alan and Oscar just need to wear the same blades and run the same distance.

Wednesday 5 September

It seems Lewis Hamilton didn't learn his lesson about tweeting as the McClaren Formula One driver inadvertently released top secret race data to the world after the previous days shout out to his homies which include rapper Lupe Fiasco. Drawing the ire of his team mate Jensen Button who was suitably unimpressed that their rivals saw the data, Hamilton needn't worry as we lent our old rugby coach out to ours.

On the other hand, NZRU Chief Executive Steve Tew wasn't fazed whatsoever about the potential transfer of the AB's blueprint humbly putting the Argies in their place, "We wanted them to be able to put their best foot forward and we knew they had a bit of ground to make up."

Thursday 6 September

It really is time to stop laying the boot into Australian sports and in particular their cricket team.

Brothers in Arms through several conflicts and trade partners of the highest order, it would be amiss as a kiwi to bring up any further sporting failure.

With this in mind and mindful of avoiding further embarrassment it has been decided we only have enough space on the website to post the top nine countries in order for the world T20 rankings.

1. South Africa
2. England
3. Sri Lanka
4. Pakistan
5. India
6. West Indies
7. New Zealand
8. Bangladesh
9. Ireland

Friday 7 September

The IRB's new chief executive Brett Gosper has talked it up midweek, waxing lyrical about the effect SBW can have on the global game of rugby.

In similar vain to the Rugby World Cup being the third largest sporting event on the planet, Gosper gushed, "Sonny Bill Williams is one of two or three people in the world - a little bit like David Beckham - who can capture the imagination, hearts and minds of young kids, mums, dads, a cross-section of the population.

SBWs next move back to the NRL is going to be a huge bubble burster for the excitable Gosper who will have to fall back on someone like a Quade Cooper.

Saturday 8 September

Not reading the fine print on his rap sheet, seven-time stripped Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong was told he couldn't enter the Chicago Marathon by the steadfast organisers.

The banned cyclist has also been blacklisted from all world class athletic meets which means he won't be entering Dunedin's Moro Marathon.

Lance was formerly engaged to singer Sheryl Crow who ironically sang the song Strong Enough .

Sunday 9 September

In one of the most physical clashes seen in recent times, only six people were evicted and three arrested during the All Blacks 21-5 win over the Sir Graham Henry mentored Argentina at the notoriously criminal Cake Tin.

Senior Sergeant Matt Morris of the Wellington Police thought the crowd was well behaved from what he could actually see.

The highlight of the night however was not the rugby but the half time stadium black out and the Argentinean national anthem which showed the players missing their opening cue by over thirty seconds before yelling passionately in unison into the camera.

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