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Nought to Five is committed to the concept of 'conscious parenting', devised by the Ministry of Social Development's SKIP programme. Conscious parenting is about becoming deliberate and intentional about what we want for the children we care for. It's making choices about what we bring from our own families and what we choose to leave out. It enables parents to honour and respect what was good in their own childhood, and leave the negatives behind. Each episode reinforces the six key things that kids need from their parents.
What is SKIP? Strategies with Kids -
Information for Parents
SKIP is a community-based programme, which aims at increasing the practical skills of parents so they can have loving and healthy relationships with their children.
It does this by promoting positive parenting which uses effective, non-physical discipline to set limits and boundaries to teach children right from wrong. Positive parenting teaches children to be independent, to know how to relate to other people and be socially responsible.
SKIP has three strands:
- 1. Strengthening and improving the consistency of parent support and education.
- 2. Resources for parents and the organisations supporting them.
- 3. A Local Initiatives Fund to stimulate the development of community initiatives and activities to support parents.
Background
The way children are brought up has changed dramatically in the last two or three generations. There was a time when parents had an authoritarian role that was based on obedience and fear. Discipline often involved punishment such as smacking or going without meals. The definition of good behaviour was also different. Children were expected to speak to an adult only when spoken to and to obey every command.
Many parents reacted against this type of regime by becoming
permissive, letting their children make their own choices, and
setting very few boundaries and limits.
Now it is acknowledged that children need limits and boundaries to
learn how to develop self-control and how to interact with others.
There is also more understanding of the effects of child
development on children's behaviour and of the right of the child
to feel safe and secure within their family.
SKIP is based on recent research, including The Discipline and Guidance of Children: a Summary of Research written by the Children's Issues Centre at Otago University. In this report the researchers identified six principles of effective discipline. These are:
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Love and warmth
This helps build the bonds of trust and love, and positive self-esteem. -
Talking and listening
This includes talking with children, listening to what they say and giving clear messages, which are suited to their age. Expectations can't be lectured into or shouted at children - fear and the need to defend themselves will overpower their ability (and willingness) to listen. -
Guidance and understanding
Children are more likely to co-operate when they understand why things are required of them. Straightforward respectful explanations inspire cooperation. -
Limits and boundaries
Rules keep things fair and safe for everyone in the family. They teach what to do, not what not to do. The clearer the rules the more successful they will be - and they need to work for everyone, not just the parents. -
Consistency and consequences
Consistency involves predictability. Children connect an action with a consequence from an early age. Consequences should be based on learning, not suffering and be based on the three Rs - related, reasonable and respectful. -
A structured and secure world.
This involves planning ahead to avoid predictable problems - for example putting breakable things out of reach of a small child, or going shopping at times when children aren't hungry and tired. It also involves parents acting as role models as children will copy their behaviour.
For further information visit the SKIP website .
