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A woman is helped out of a building in Christchurch - Source: Supplied
I'm not one for anniversaries and, if I'm honest, I wish this week would disappear. But I'm learning "reflection" is a necessary part of moving forward, even if it's painful.
February 22, 2011 seems a decade ago, yet I can close my eyes and still smell the smoke and dust from the CTV building where I spent much of the day reporting. I can still see the bloodied bodies, the panicked faces, and the shock which was thrust upon our city in an instant.
Delving into my "sent" items I found this email, which I sent to friends in family the day after the quake:
"I was home on a day off, at the time of the earthquake ... I had just walked out of the shower and was in the bedroom ...as soon as the shaking started I ran to the doorway ... The earthquake was VERY violent, very loud... and ABSOLUTELY terrifying.
"Geoff (husband) was on the other side of the house and also took cover in a doorway. And as the earthquake continued, the walls kept obscuring my view of him... (usually the hallway is straight).. It turned bookshelves upside down, flung open cupboards throwing belongings everywhere, the fridge emptied... anything really not tied down landed on the floor...
"Then came the moment the birds stopped singing, ... the blur of sirens, and eerie silence.
"We ran outside to check on our neighbours ... It was pretty obvious straight away that was earthquake had been devastating... Geoff and I then made our way to TVNZ as I knew I'd be needed ASAP.
"Driving around our neighbourhood the liquefaction was intense... there were big holes in the road. We only got about half way to the city before traffic came to a standstill so we walked the rest of the way to work... It was extremely surreal.
"We walked past flattened buildings... MASSES of people exiting the city on foot... ashen faces... tears... panic... dust... smoke... sirens... When we got to work, we found the TVNZ building in a very bad state (amazingly all my colleagues got out alive)... But the building could fall at any moment...all our equipment/ belongings were inside (not a problem in comparison to loss of life but it posed a wee bit of a technical hassle)...
"The devastation in the city was/is intense.
"I went straight into "work" mode and we started broadcasting live from a makeshift triage centre in town and outside the CTV building (which we now know is where at least 100 people have died)...
"The aftershocks kept hitting... We saw more buildings crumble... We saw people removed from the rubble... and we saw bodies... and a lot of other human devastation (which needs not explaining)... We saw a lot... At the time we didn't realise what we living through... and it's only been in the past day or so that the haunting images from that day have started coming back."
Re-reading that, makes my eyes water. It's a dulled down version, a censored version suitable for printing, there's no point haunting others with what I saw.
Pain lessens
A year on though, the pain is much less. Trauma counselling ensured that. Regular exercise, and debriefs with friends and colleagues, have become essential parts to re-piece life back together.
And apart from the aftershocks, and the demolition crews, life has returned to normal. Or maybe the "new" normal.
My husband and I have made the choice to stay here, to stick around for our rebuilt city. I'm happy with that decision (mostly).
Up until now, I'd shielded myself from much of the footage and "memory triggers" of February 22, but in preparing for our TVNZ Earthquake Anniversary coverage, we've gone through the archives and seen a lot of the pictures that aired that day.
Amazingly, it hasn't been as hard as I thought.
I've spent the past few days interviewing people who lost loved ones. Their strength is incredible. How is that the nicest people seem to get hit by the biggest tragedies?
I interviewed a lady recently, who said our generation (and the kids of Christchurch) are going to be a remarkably resilient generation, armed with resilience not seen since World War 2.
At first I scoffed at the thought, but I think there's some truth to it. If we can live through, and come out of such a huge natural disaster, surely we're stronger for it. Even if we don't necessarily feel like it right now.
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