Leaving Las Auckland
The event: Sky City Celebrity-Media Invitational, Tuesday October 7
The alumni: Mark Sainsbury, Craig Parker, Neil Waka, Bridget Saunders, Ali Williams, Otis Frizell, Mike King, Amber Peebles, Daniel Braid, Dave Gibson from Elemeno P, Nick D, Phil Bostwick, Oscar Kightley, Brooke Howard-Smith, Simon Pound from Media 7, Robyn Janes, Aja Rock, Alan Whetton.
Life is cruel.
I write having just played in the celebrity-media tournament at the Sky City Festival of Poker in Auckland.
The winner went home with a seat worth $3000 in the main event. The losers went home with nothing but a sad story to tell.
Last week I told of the high hopes I harboured of being the last man standing but sadly the brutal hammer of fate nailed sturdy rivets of bad luck into my coffin.
Before I tell you my tale of woe, I should say that the event at the Sky City Casino in Auckland really was a total blast. The free drinks were flowing and the atmosphere was buzzing. Poker was centre stage and the crowds were there to show that the game is in the mainstream.
A bevy of hostesses, attired in feather headdresses and very little else, brought a little piece of Vegas to New Zealand, while micro-poppet Amber Peebles sashayed down the red carpet in a dress made from a million bucks worth of poker chips (see pic right). It was all very Paris Hilton.
For the game itself, a motley crew of poker-loving celebs had been rounded up to put their skills to the test. And, frankly, they were rather better than I'd imagined.
At my designated table were a bunch of guys who all really knew how to play. To name a few there was Craig Parker (aka Shortland Street's Guy Warner), Elemeno P singer Dave Gibson, Phil Bostwick, hip-hop artist Savage, rugby player Daniel Braid, and most worryingly of all (and sitting immediately to my left) Lee Nelson. Lee who? Only the winner of the 2006 Aussie Millions event and New Zealand's most successful poker player of all time.
Perhaps my folly was taking it all too seriously. I'd mentioned to the organiser that I played a fair bit of poker and she later told me that she had arranged for Nelson to sit to my left "to help me learn more about the game". Yeah, thanks a lot for that! I wish I'd skipped class.
Needless to say, I was in a bit of trouble.
Still, the cards can help you out on these occasions. Sadly for me the cards just never came. Where were my pairs of Aces? My pairs of Kings? Anything from the royal court?! I simply drowned in a relentless welter of unplayable hands like 10-4 and 9-3.I raised just one pot before the flop and had to fold when Lee the poker-master reraised me for most of my chips.
Unperturbed, I sat tight waiting for my spot.
I mentioned that I took this seriously didn't I? Well, imagine my pain when, an hour or so into the game, my comeuppance arrived at the hands of possibly the worst poker player in the room - a decadent young dandy from Woman's Weekly who was playing with a glass of champagne balancing precariously in one hand with his eyelids drooped shut.
Dealt the Ace of clubs and the 5 of clubs I saw my chance to get back into the game. Not the best of hands admittedly but the situation, with no one having raised the pot, made it a good spot to push all-in and hope everyone else folded. Even if they didn't I still might have had the best hand.
And, when someone called my bet, sure enough I did! The droopy drunkard had seen my bet with just an Ace and a 2 in his hand. Surely, with the odds stacked very heavily in my favour, I would go on to claim my rightful place as winner of the tournament? Surely not.
The flop came down with a 6 a 4 and a... 2. Thwarted! Stabbed in the back by the game that I love. My only hope was for a 5 to land on the turn or river and, rather unsurprisingly, it didn't materialise.
Sickened, I walked away from the table and waved goodbye to my dream.
Who won the tournament? Disgracefully I couldn't tell you. I was too busy drowning my sorrows and sharing bad beat stories with my table mates.
There's still time for me (and you if you rate your chances) to get a spot in that $3000 tournament on Thursday but it's looking grim...
The Sky City Festival of Poker takes place Oct 4-12 at the Sky City Casino in Auckland.
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A guide to Texas Hold 'em poker
