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Andrei Arshavin, he plays for Chelsea you know - Source: Reuters -
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This week Hot Ball rears its head, Man United are crackin up,
Ledley one leg leaves England, Owen's telling porkies and Arshavin
plays for Chelsea, apparently
Hot balls rears its ugly head
Not content with having a full English in the Champions League, the chaps at UEFA decided to bring hot-balls into action where Liverpool was once again drawn against Chelsea, with Liverpool, the eventual winner on penalties, having to face either Barca or Bayern on the road to Rome. United meanwhile get a stroll in the park against Porto, as if we didn't see that one coming.
Moneybags slash prices
If their was ever any proof needed that money cant buy you love then Manchester City provided it this week after they slashed ticket prices in the hopes of attracting bumper crowds for their little UEFA Cup clash against Hamburg.
It has been reported that fans will be able to watch the game for as little as a fiver should they buy in advance. Which we reckon is an even better deal than getting an Everton season ticket free with a Tesco mobile!
Top of the league, your avin a laugh!
Yes, it has indeed been a glorious week to be any football supporter that doesnt support United. Not only was Fulhams 2-0 spanking of United a sight to behold, but so was the sight of grown United players, Shrek and El Diver, getting all punchy with a defenceless corner flag and flailing around like a five-year-old whose daddy's hair gel had gone into his eye, not to mention Scholes seemingly forgetting that he er, aint Uniteds goalie and never has been - and they say Rafas cracking up!
Plebs find perfect penalty formula
Scientists have come up with a formula for taking penalties. It is all a bit boring, but, the shot should be 65mph, you need a run-up of five to six paces from the edge of the area, approach the ball at an angle of 20 to 30 degrees and the ball must cross the goal-line at exactly 0.5m below the crossbar and the same distance inside the post. Or course, it also helps if you are German, not John Terry, or any kind of Tottenham player.
Ledley one leg leaves England squad
Many were thinking Fabio Four Eyes should possibly have gone to Specsavers this week as he included Ledley 'one leg' King in his England squad for their upcoming World Cup friendlies and qualifiers.
Everyone knew this was a bad idea, apart from Capello, obviously, and so after a mere 34 1/2 minutes of sitting on the bench while Rooney and Terry danced around in a happy, happy, skippy, skippy, kissy, kissy stylee, Ledley, his good leg and manbag were sent back to Spurs, much to the delight of 'Arry.
Meanwhile Aston Villa's Luke Young, James Milner, Ashley Young and Gabriel Agbonlahor were all left out of the squad, presumably because of their part in helping Villa not winning a game since February 7th.
United get a make-over
With news that his new CR7 store is set for its grand opening in Madrid this summer, Manchester United are going to great lengths to keep El Diver on their books with their new kit (look at it here, with your eyes http://www.thespoiler.co.uk/index.php/2009/03/23/leaked-photos-premier-league-200910-kits)
We reckon El Diver would look well more in touch with his feminine side than he already does in this truly awesome ensemble, with other obvious advantages being that should things not be going his way, he can always strangle himself for penalties.
Spotted!
It seems Michael Owen has been spotted telling porkies.
In a week where a defender with just one good leg makes it into the England squad, the titchy striker came to the defence, of himself, by saying: "People will probably laugh, but I know Im not injury-prone." Yes Michael, that sound you can hear is us laughing, not you pulling your hamstring while getting up to turn the telly over.
Arry (Hiddink) quote of the week
I know it is a shock but we couldnt really find a decent quote from Arry this week (what with all the bore on of King) so we've had to pull this awesome one from Chelsea boss Guus Hiddink, who is struggling to remember who his actual players are, after claming that amazing 12-year-old footballer Arshavin plays for Chelsea.
Coming from the same school of thought as 'I play for a big club Robinho', Guus made the gaff ahead of Russias clash with Azerbaijan when he said:
"Andrey is strong physically and psychologically. He likes it in England. And hes already become one of Chelseas leaders."
Indeed.
Got a gob as big as mine? Have your say below.....
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