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Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho - Source: Getty Images -
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In a new column TVNZ.co.nz's Sarah Williams takes a satirical
look at some of the top stories in Football: The Week that
Was
Mourinho ALLEGEDLY goes a bit barmey in
Madchester
In a week where the self-proclaimed 'Special One' realised he may not actually be quite that special anymore, he of different club, same gob went further than his insightful 'sorting the eggs from the omelettes' quotations, and even further than helping his beloved Yorkie become a British fugitive by ALLEGEDLY slapping a Manchester United fan!
The ALLEGED incident occurred after Inter Milan and their invisible striker got mugged by United in the Champions League when some well-happy United fans were shouting at him in the car park after the clash.
According to 'Jobless Steven of Doncaster' the United fans were 'giving him a bit of argy-bargy' and singing 'Go home Mourinho.'
Mourinho then
ALLEGEDLY proceeded to walk over
to the fan (not Jobless Steven of Doncaster) and slap him in the
face - a fact, that if found guilty, surely puts him odds-on
favourite for Liverpool manager should the Bearded one bog off to
manage Really you are quite Rubbish in May.
Everton striker gets mistaken for jewel thief, no really,
he actually did!
This week in alright footballer, wrong place, it was Everton's Victor Anichebe who was on the short end of the law when Cheshire Police swooped on the player after they mistakenly, mistook him for a jewel thief!
Apparently the incident occurred because police thought the pair looked a bit, black, er, I mean, dodgy as the injured striker and his friend window-shopped for jewels in Kunts 'ooer aint this all a bit posh' ford.
According to reports when the police arrived Anichebe (who is on crutches, I mean, seriously how far is the fella going to get!) was heard protesting to the officers "I'm a footballer - I play for Everton. Why would I want to rob a shop?" (Cue hilariously derogatory jokes about black men, scousers, Everton and/or police cars on bricks).
And in related news......Everton midfielder Marouane Fellaini's magestic fro wandered off and was caught coming out of a British supermarket called ASDA with a chocolate bar, a toaster, a OAP, six coffee cups, A My Little Pony, a crate of Stella and the newly released Everton "We're celebrating like we've won the League, the Carling Cup and the Champions League but really we've only made it to the semi-finals of the FA Cup where we'll shout mean things at Wayne Rooney till he gets sent off" DVD........not really, but it totally could if it wanted to!
Becks' hairy foot
Once upon a time, in a far off distant land (ok, England before the World Cup 2002) a well known British tabloid implored the people of England to pray for David Beckham's hairy left foot after it got injured by some rogue Argie in the lead-up to the competition, but now it seems instead of praying for Becks' hairy left foot some mad passionate MLS soccer fans may or may not have been sticking voodoo poshes into said foot after Beckham injured his ankle just two days after turning his back on the LA Galaxy in favour of signing his 'time-share' deal with Milan - oh the irony.
Spotted!
Out on loan Liverpool striker Andriy Voronin (who once gave me the eye outside Melwood, and not the evil one, FACT) actually scoring goals! In an amazing twist of fate The Master Of The Universe (or just plain He-Man to you and me) bagged himself a hat-trick for new club Hertha Berlin.
His seven goals in five games is helping keep the Germans at the top of the table - which is more than he ever did in 27 for Liverpool.
And if reports are to be believed Voronin doesn't even give
a DAMN what Liverpool think of him actually scoring goals, so
there!
'Arry Redknapp quote of the week
"If I could find good, young English players, I would, but it is very, very difficult," the Portsmouth player poacher said recently. "You can go out and make a point of buying English players, but if they're not good enough, it's a waste of time."
'Arry Redknapp, basically confirming what we've all thought of David 'I am the best midfielder in the world, according to me' Bently since like forever!
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