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Torres slaps Terry - Source: Reuters -
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Ron takes Federico under his wing
Never one to let someone else take the glory for
something he has done nothing to achieve, El Diver has decided to
take Manchester United's 'teenage sensation' Federico Macheda under
his wing after his goal scoring heroics against Aston Villa last
weekend.
In a comment that should see Federico flailing around on a pitch near you Ronaldo (stifle laugh now) said: "I had very good support from the older players when I started here. I looked to them for help, just as Federico will. It is very important to behave properly and to be intelligent."
Benitez blasts Big Sam
Liverpool boss Rafael Benitez has hit back at Bolton, I mean Newcastle, er, Blackburn boss Sam Allardyce after Big Sam claimed the Spaniard loves 'whingeing and moaning.'
When asked if he would shake Allardyce's hand before Blackburn hold Liverpool to a goalless draw on Sunday (NZT) Benitez replied "If it's necessary, because I was well educated"
An education, where we presume Benitez must have learned how to buy crap Brazilian midfielders called Lucas.
Terry does the dirty on Liverpool
Chelsea skipper John Terry has let rip after the game of which we
shall not mention - accusing the Reds of deliberately getting him
booked!
Terry will miss next weeks Champions League quarter- final second leg, where they will get beat on penalties, after he was shown a yellow card after ploughing into Liverpool keeper Pepe Reina.
Terry believes that Liverpool doth protest too much because he: "Felt as though blabla I went for the ball, blabla, that's all I ever do as a player."
That is of course, if it's not wet, and you're not going for a penalty, eh Terry!
Shearer scores a blinder
The return of Shearer to steer Newcastle United on their
damned voyage to the Championship may have made a few Toon fans
feel a little happy for about all of a minute before Chelsea came
and ruined the party.
But the messiah, or Ashley, or whoever is running the club into the ground tried to cheer things up a bit by inviting the snotty-nosed kids and the shirtless unemployed of Newcastle to the messiah's first open training session.
Never one to miss a bit of blatent self-promotion, the messiah took to the pitch for a bit of a five-a-side kick about before showing the world that maybe he is the one to keep the Magpies afloat if only he would come off the bench and play for em!
Watch Alan Shearer score a blinder here, with your eyes!
Mourinho charges dropped
Greater Manchester police have revealed 'The Special One'
will not face charges over an ALLEGED assault that was said to have
happened when a Manchester United fan not from Manchester ALLEGED
that 'The Special One' punched him in the face after the Red Devils
knocked Inter Milan and their invisible striker out of the
Champions League.
It is now believed that Greater Manchester police are focusing all
their efforts on finding out why Manchester City paid 32 million
pounds for a striker who can't score goals while continuing their
on-going investigation to find a new job for Mark Hughes
Bayern bury the sausage (and still get
beat)
Bayern Munich may have been thrashed 4-0 by 2006 Champions League
winners Barcelona at the Camp Nou on Thursday but you can't say the
boys didn't try.
It was revealed the 'quirky' Bayern bunch took a leaf out of baseball's equally as 'quirky' Red Sox fans who buried one of their shirts under the new Yankee Stadium by burying a Glucks-Weisswurts (or Lucky White Sausage to you and me) under a corner flag at said stadium.
However, after the emphatic spanking they received at the hands of the Spanish giants one can't help thinking that maybe they would have been better burying Klinsmann under there instead.
No more Onion Bags!
It is one thing to watch Liverpool in the game we shall not mention
while Terry runs into people pretending he really thought Pepe
Reina's stomach was a Spanish ball with big hands wearing a black
jumper.
Or Michael Essien trying to take Ronaldo's role as El Diver by wondering where the ref went after falling over holding his face when everyone left the stadium 4 hours ago.
It is quite simply another to have to watch this to the commentary of Tommy 'do you kiss your mother with that dirty Man U loving mouth' Smyth commentating on it - which is why we shall now point you in the direction of this www.nomoreonionbags.com
'Arry quote of the week
"It is a misconception that West Ham is a great production line of
young players. It was a club that produced youngsters a long time
ago - it used to be a conveyor belt in the days of Bobby Moore,
Frank Lampard Snr and, later on, Trevor Brooking, but they had gone
11 or 12 years without producing a player before I took over there
in 1994."
'Arry stokes the fire before Tottenham take on West Ham while
reminding everyone, for the 15th million time, just how awesome he
is!
