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Tim Wilson: My BFFs for Three Minutes

opinion Tim Wilson

By Tim Wilson

Published: 4:39PM Saturday December 31, 2011 Source: ONE News

Brad, Suri, Katy, Twilight, Scarjo, Matt Damon: My BFFs for Three Minutes.

US Correspondent Tim Wilson recalls a year in celebrity.

Brad Pitt was a gentleman. Big too. Quite a lot of him, which you don't often get with stars. Sometimes their tiny, well-shod feet barely touch the floor below the directors' chairs they're sitting in when you do the interview. When you're your three minutes, or sometimes four, with them.

Polite man too, that Mr Jolie. As if he's constantly making up for being super-handsome. It's his cross to bear, I guess, being somewhat apologetic for having won the genetic lottery so comprehensively.

Maybe he feels that what he won, others lost. And he's right, you know. He's right.

He smelled fine, by the way, though he could have shaved.

Oh, and I wasn't joking about the Mr. Jolie stuff. Having interviewed them both, her wardrobe is filled with the trousers of that relationship. No doubt.

The only off-putting aspect of Brad Pitt is the incessant giggling of female (okay, some male too) journos as you wait to do the interview. It's a high pitched, somewhat desperate keening, the sound of hope, and desperation. It hovers in the air, and smells of sulphur.

I saw Suri Cruise in a hotel lobby. She's small. Surrounded by fixers and handlers, and nannies and security. Quite focused, that kid.

The world's most famous preschooler, a mere ten metres away.

Her Mum had some gumption. Not the robot the tabloids make her out to be, at all. Full of beans. Made some inappropriate comment, as I remember.

Then another. Adam Sandler was encouraging her. We all were. Talk about laugh! Tom was standing off-camera. Man was he pissed. His face was like this snippy little mask.

Okay, I made that part up. Sorry. Wouldn't been good, though, right?

Mooooving on.

The Twilight people were fine! No really, so nice! Okay, for those on Team Jacob, I'm not sure there's a lot going on with Tyler Lautner, but his teeth are incredible. Incandescent. Might've got them from the same store as Vice President Joe Biden. That's some thermonuclear tooth enamel right there.

Pattinson was pleasant. Very British. Teeth like used teabags. His downbeat is an upbeat, if you know what I mean, sarcasm is praise, etc, that whole post-empire riff. Young. Fresh. Trying not to be. Wassername, the girl. Wow. A pistol. Fond of sarcasm too. Kristen Stewart! That's it. Had a cast on her arm. Punched someone accidentally while shooting. Yeah, right. I get the feeling she bosses Pattinson around. I get the feeling he likes it.

Scarlett Johansson looked like she was about to cry as I walked in and asked her to wrangle a toy snake on camera. "You're always the guy that brings something," said a fellow hack out in the hall. Okay, sure; reliance on props indicates the absence of ideas. But ScarJo played along. ScarJo = Good sport.

Matt Damon was lovely. Not tall, not short. Smart. Very marriage material, ladies. Total pro too, that guy, could interview himself. Matter (geddit?) of fact, that's not a bad idea for next time. Walk in. Say "Gidday mate. I'm not really feeling it here at the Four Seasons, so why don't you give it a whirl?" Nice innovation. The auto-interview.

Oh, wait. Bad idea. Really bad idea.

Happy New Year!

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