Rihanna says she could not bury her love for Chris Brown.
The couple have reconciled after a break-up following the rapper's conviction for assaulting her in 2009 - which he is still on probation for - and the Stay hitmaker revealed she left Chris with no intention of falling in love again.
"I wanted him to know what it felt like to lose me, to feel the consequences of that. So when that s**t [love] came back, it hit me like a tonne of bricks," she told The Observer Magazine.
"Like, God, you've got to be kidding me right now. But I got real with myself, and I just couldn't bury the way I felt."
The singer, 25, insisted her on-off boyfriend is not the "monster" he's made out to be, and she believes he has changed.
"There's so many reasons why I ever reconsidered having him back in my life. He's not the monster everybody thinks. He's a good person" she said.
"Of course everybody has their opinion about him, because of what he's done.
"That will always be there, but he made a mistake and he's paid his dues. He's paid so much. And I know that's not a place he would ever want to go back to.
"And sometimes people need support and encouragement, instead of ridicule and criticism and bashing."