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Brendon McCullum celebrates - Source: Reuters -
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Remember the annoying weedy kid at school who tried way too hard to be friends with everyone and ended up achieving the opposite?
I only bring it up because the more I watch of it, the more Twenty20 cricket feels like that unloved playground pest.
"Look at me!" it screams, performing back flips and scrambling monkey-like up trees in a desperate bid for our attention.
But what is there really to look at, other than a bastardised version of Cricket Max without the gimmicks and innovations that made it fun?
If nothing else, it is fast-paced and appeals to a new and younger demographic - I've met few peers who don't enjoy the sight of a well-hit cricket ball sailing into the midwicket stand while the ground announcer hastily queues up "Summer Of '69" for the 488th time.
And it certainly does have friends in high places.
Take, for example, Bill Lawry and the Channel 9 cheerleaders, whose overblown lust and zeal for the occasion must regularly have the commentary box feeling as testosterone-charged as a prom-night limousine backseat.
Talking it up
The trouble is, if Twenty20 was such a universally-loved and marketable product, it wouldn't need to be so aggressively talked up.
People don't like being told what they do and don't like, and with each new layer of hyperbole heaped upon it, the suspicion grows that Twenty20's proponents are really just polishing the proverbial.
"You're always assured of a close and exciting finish in Twenty20 matches" is a line they like to wheel out wherever possible. Nonsense.
Of 85 international matches completed thus far, less than a quarter have been won in the last over or by less than ten runs.
The same percentage of matches has been decided by more than 50 runs or with more than five overs to spare, which in such an abbreviated form of the game represents a major blowout.
Remember New Zealand's pants-down drubbing of Kenya in the 2007 ICC World Twenty20 tournament? Probably not, because it was over in a mere 24.3 overs, by which time I was barely halfway through my third beer. That's just not cricket.
India fail to excite
Eighteen months on, the Black Caps' two victories over world champions India this week will have done little to win over the sceptics.
The ingredients for gripping cricket were there. Two evenly matched teams, two decent - though by no means large - crowds, two tight finishes. And yet, even as New Zealand's run chases reached their compelling climaxes, the mood was strangely flat.
There was certainly no clenching of teeth or biting of nails. There just wasn't enough time to get emotionally invested in the outcome and not that much to be excited about.
That's the trouble with Twenty20 cricket: it's basically just a one-dayer reduced to a "home-run derby" (in the commentators' words, not mine).
50-over cricket's intriguing elements - cat and mouse tactics, bowling plans, carefully-paced innings - are gone. It's just all about clearing the fence.
And by snipping out the "boring" middle 30 overs of a one-dayer and leaving everything else unchanged, its creators have effectively had a buck each way.
They've pitched the game to a younger set of fans and professionals who don't have time to spend a whole day watching cricket, while trying to keep the format familiar enough to avoid a purist revolt.
The resultant compromise has been as alluring to the traditionalists as a fly in their gin, while the wider public's response has been lukewarm at best.
Mindless entertainment?
Perhaps when Twenty20 drops the pretence that it represents anything other than mindless entertainment, it will reach its full potential.
We need only look as far as the humble game of back yard cricket (BYC) for possible exciting innovations: one-hand-one-bounce; a chilly bin to replace stumps at the non-striker's end; 12-run bonuses for hitting the wheelbarrow at deep extra cover.
In this day and age of audience participation, streaking and games of keepy-uppy with beach balls are to be strictly encouraged. Water bottles larger than 1L in capacity are to be permitted, but only to be used in Mexican waves.
Forget this one-over eliminator nonsense: Boat races are the only fair and equitable means of determining a winner in tied matches. And with Jesse Ryder on our side, we'd nearly never lose.
And umpires, they're a dreary old bunch of farts aren't they? Replace them with cheerleaders who get dumped in a vat of jelly every time they get a decision wrong. Which ideally would be often.
Far from giving up on Twenty20 cricket, if the powers-that-be ever thought to embrace the full entertainment possibilities it provides, there's every chance we may one day be treated to a spectacle as enthralling as, say, a Test match.
Do you agree with the cricketing purists or actually like the "mindless entertainment"? Have your say on our message board below.
Add a Comment:
Post new commentnewsbunny said on 2009-03-03 @ 16:58 NZDT: Report abusive post
nothing beats a good ODI run chase... but it can come close
instigator said on 2009-03-03 @ 16:45 NZDT: Report abusive post
I hate 20/20 with a passion, let's head back to the days of reaching for the Maximum and letting Marty Crowe's hair hat re-write the rules.