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Tim Wilson: Why men are obsolete

Tim Wilson

By Tim Wilson

Published: 2:40PM Thursday May 31, 2012

Why Men Are Obsolete: the Evidence

Males are silly. Women have known this for epochs, but could do nothing about it. If you wanted to have babies, you had to put up with the wrapping, which included dreary afternoons watching sport, tiresome fights over far-fetched notions (Why shouldn't ice cream come in a 'steak' flavour?) and wars that - besides the human horrors - did terrible things to flowers and plants.

Fortunately, the arrival of modern reproductive technology means men are now dispensably silly. Chick + chick = chick. And of course women will choose to breed other women, because women alone know how other women feel. Feelings are the basis for civilisation.

Adieu to men then. In several short generations all that will be left will be some foul smelling tennis shoes in the bottom of some dusty cupboards, a newspaper article about the death of Scotch, and the goblets I'm about to show you, floating around on an outdated platform called Youtube. These will comprise the evidence for why men joined history's rubbish bin.

Item 1. Call it: young man + fast car = trouble

This was taken on the outskirts of Chicago some weeks ago. At last count it had garnered 12 million views on the web, enough for Youtube to slap tedious adverts in front of.

While I was waiting for the ad to play, I saw what must be the title: 'Crazy Arab Drifting with AK-47s' . I know! Sweetest day in the desert ever!

That was item 1a for awesome!

Okay, some will insist I'm being unfair. Young men are silly, but old men are adorable. They're sensible. They've had experiences. They know restraint. Um, no they do and they don't. In fact old men are just worn-out versions of their younger counterparts. They're not happy being lame. They still sit around stewing in a molasses of curdled testosterone, dreaming up crazy stuff to do like how to get the tops off beer in a way that will make them still look cool.

Um, yes, grandpa really did that. And he's still thirsty, so you better go get him another.

Old, and young, men suck. Sure. That's why they're being done away with. But - in the interests of objectivity - there is a period when men are at least tolerable. This caesura commences after the age of 28. Isaac Lamb is three years older than that, but he shows that he won't be lopping the tops of brewskis with a chainsaw in his near-dotage, and he proves that - just possibly - men may survive. He organised his friends to help him propose to his girlfriend. It's labelled the first live lip dub proposal . In fact it's far far better than that, and it proves: Dudes rule.

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